Lately I have been feeling this urge to start writing again... I haven't writen a "story" in a long time... mostly because I would get this great (or at least it was great to me) story line and I'd start writing and then I would get stuck and never be able to finish it. Mostly because I didn't have time to finish it... and because the "great" idea ended up NOT being so great...

I've decided that I need to stop hanging around people who cause drama in my life... it's not doing me any good to be around them for extended periods of time... thus I don't really need them around me. I am finally at a place where I am happy, snappy and fancy free... I feel like I have people around me for the most part who support me and don't try to pull me down... this week I've realised that there are a few people around me who don't do that... who don't support me... and who do try to pull me down... wheather on purpose or not they still do it and honestly... I am not going to go back to where I was a year ago... sad and depressed and not wanting to do anything.

I'm also sick of people claming "i've changed"... really cause you still treat people like shit... you still try to run my life... but you've changed... you have to change the inside first before you change the outside... you can go to church all you want you can read all the "self help" books you want... but until you relise that you have an issue and you need to fix YOU and that it isn't everyone else around you... nothing is going to change. I finally understood what my counsolor was telling me... I kept wanting people around me to change... to realise that they are the ones who had the issues... who were treating me like shit... but I can't change anyone but myself... so I can change the way i react to things... I can stand up for myself intead of curling up in a ball and crying about it. I don't take things as personal as I used to... I've started standing up for myself... I've started doing things for ME and not for anyone else... I'm 24 I can do what I want when I want how I want and no one can tell me anything differently! "It's my life and it's now or never I aint gonna live forever" haha... sorry... songs just pop in my head!

I love my apartment... I love my puggy Kingston... I love my cat Kahne (although they are teaming up against me)... I love my BFF Lindsey and my Spoonie! I love my boyfriend! I'm loving life right now... and I am not going to let anyone ruin that!!

Maybe I will start writing again?

So I'm broke... let's just state it the way it is... missing a whole week of work (because we were closed) didn't help the bank account at all... on top of that missing a day of work due to not being able to move becuase of my back and then only working 5 hours (instead of 9) on Friday didn't help either... luckily this week I worked a lil over 46 hours so that will help... but none the less I'm broke... and on top of that I'm only scheduled for 35hours the next two weeks... wich I can probobly get up to 36 or 37 but still I'd rather be at 39 at least... I really want 40. I talked to Brandi about that... and yeah...

Chances are I am OVER reacting... but I just hate not having a cusion... and I was really being careful this last month knowing I would take a hit due to the daycare being closed. I have really cut back my fast food/starbucks visits... and yeah I'm just cutting back in general.

I guess we'll just have to see how much my check is for and see... right? I have to register for the ORELLA and that's a $190 test... I guess I could just register for the CBEST since that one is way less and then take the ORELLA in Dec. I'll just have to sit down and figure it out.

Things will work out they always do right?

Don't these people know I have children to feed! LOL

I haven't updated here in ages... hmm...

A lot has happened... my parents are in the middle of a divorce... which goes from nasty to ok in 60 seconds. My sister is still a bitch that no one really likes... and I'm still depressed... BUT on an up note... I have my own apartment, my pug, my cat and my boy so I'm good.

I'm right now working on looking for a grad school to attend... I don't know where to go... let alone if I should do full time or part time... honestly I think part time would be better so I can still work but that means 2 years instead of 1 and I kind of just wanna get it over with so I can start teaching... and making some REAL money!

Any who hopefully I'll remember to start updating this here thing!

Hmm... why I haven't updated over here is beyond me... I think Myspace is taking up my time! LMAO... that EVIL EVIL thing...

Nothin much has been going on... just school and what not...

I'm working on something new for this but until then... we'll have some Duck colors!

I am SO ready for the game... woo hoo...

So tonight I decided to make a collage of pictures of all of my friends and family (well all that I could w/ the pictures I have here and on my computer)... Here is is:



I still have a spot or two where I'd like to put pictures in... and I'm sure it would be rather simple to expand out if I needed to as well... but yeah... I posted it on my Myspace and I was at my profile looking at it... well for those who don't know the song on my myspace is Nickleback's "I miss you" song... so I was sitting there looking at it w/ that song going... I almost started bawling! I miss everybody on my collage... Although I find it funny COURT is in like EVERY picture LMAO...

I also did my nails for the game today



Not the best picture but they are definatly yellow and green w/ O's!! LOL

My mom and dad are down here for their first football game so i got them both duck whistles and beads for tomorrow... it's gonna be FUN!

Any who I should go get my laundry and go to bed!! Nighty night!

Wow I haven't updated this in forever and a half!!

So today when I was watching SPEED they showed the Dale Jr Budwiser comercial... I've seen it a million times and I think I'm in it... we'll my legs. If you watch it they show the gas man fiddling w/ the gas can... he's on pit road in Daytona and I was sitting in the suites right behind him. I paused and it and I'm pretty sure I see my shoes... OK sad I know... but none the less I got excited about it... my legs are in a nationally televised comerical... LOL...

I had to do a Resume for Brandi, I guess the daycare people are need it to see where I've worked and I think I have to print out my transcripts to prove that I've had over 20 credits of education classes. Brandi said something about taking a child abuse class but hmm I don't know I guess I'll find out more about that. Monday I have to be at the daycare at 8:30 which is grand... I'm not really sure what I'm doing or what not but oh well.

Tomorrow we are going down to Eugene to move the rest of the crap out of the apartment... luckily all my crap is out... well all the stuff that needed to come home and what not. I just don't want to go and have to pack up more... it's basically my sisters crap and then the kitchen stuff and we have to clean blah!

Kasey won the pole today... woo hoo...

DW grilled Brian Vickers about his love life... that was funny.. I have noticed however that there are always pictures and video of Jeff, Jimmie and Brian together but rarely do you ever see Jeff, Jimmie, Brian AND Kyle together... which makes me wonder what is going to happen when Casey Mears moves to Hendrick... since we all know he's friends with JJ and I'm pretty sure him and Jeff have a good relationship.. I just hmm... Kyle has talent I give him that much but I just don't see him being the "team" player... I don't know... maybe it's just me... I just rarely see him being part of the team... hmmm eh...

Ok I'm watching the college world series... peace!

Is it July yet??

Nuff said!!

I am SO BEYOND confused right now... I don't even know where to start or what to say anymore... I just I want to not be confused and right now only one person on this whole entire f-ing planet can unconfuse me... but can I get ahold of said person... negative... so here I sit in my confusedness... are we seeing where this is going???

This is probobly me making a BIG DEAL out of nothing... for all I know it could easily be one of them drunked confessions that in the morning means nothing... but I have no way of finding out if it's true or not...

I finally heard what I wanted to hear and I don't even know if it's true... AND then with that I don't even know what to do or what it means? AND to top it off all I could do was sit there and listen...

It raised MORE questions then awnsers... I've heard most of this before... and then the next thing you know I'm hearing about girlfriends and asking for numbers... I just can't handel having my heart broken right now... I can't deal with that... not right now at least...

I miss middle school and part of high school where things would happen I'd go to wise Jasmine and things would be fixed... or I'd run to Carol and she'd make things make sense OR she'd take matters into her own hands and fix them... but I can't do that now... but so much I want to....

Here is what I want... I want the truth... I want to know what's fact and what's fiction... and I want more than just words... cause right now I'm thinking this is definatly one of them things were actions speak louder than words... I've heard the words over and over again and nothings changed that NOW I think the only thing that would convince me right now is action... and I don't think it's going to happen... but that's what I want... and now everyone in the f-ing myspace world knows about it...

BLAH... I HATE being confused... I'm slow as it is...

All right that's my rant... carry on!

I really don't want to go to special ed today... it's too nice outside and I'm just not in it mentally... hell I haven't mentally been into anything since Monday night (er... Tuesday morning)

I hate being confused... I hate not knowing if this is true or not...

Is it possible to trust someone with your life but not with your heart? I guess it must be cause that's kind of how I'm feeling right now... I trust him with my life but I don't trust him with my heart... I don't want my heart broken... I can't take it... I just want to text him and tell him I'm mad at him... and the fact that he hasn't called me since pisses me off more... which... as i learned in stress class it shouldn't... I shouldn't jump to conclusions... but I am...

Why don't I trust him... how do you ask for some chicks phone number while you're talking to me... and then you call me back later and tell me you love me and want to be with me and you want to come home for me... what am I supposed to think... and then there is why he said it... does he really mean it? was it just cause he was under the influence of something?

It seems like the more "anwsers" I get the more "questions" I ask... I just want to know... I want to know the 100% truth of it all. That's all I ask...that's all I want... I think I'm gonna have to make a phone call tonight and this time I'm doing the interogating!

I decided after sitting through my two hour class today... and after some urging from Naphy and Callie... I am taking a mental health day to allow the revelations of last night (or this morning since it was 3AM) set in and ponder them... and to also allow for nap time... because I am a 5 year-old and when I don't nap I become grumpy and when I'm grumpy I tend to be VERY irritable and mean... SO with that... Nicole is officially going to go lay on the couch... watch her some Soap Operas (IE All My Children, Days of Our Lives and Passions) followed possibly by some Oprah (what time does it come on here in Eugene any way) and possibly some Ellen... I will not be feasting on bon bon's and chocolate because well I dislike chocolate... however I will be feasting on a lovely green salad from a bag topped with tastey 1000 Island dressing... and drinking me a Cherry Pepsi. I will watch said soap operas in hopes of learning how to deal with my own life which is slowly becoming a soap opera. And HOPEFULLY I will get to talk to the Wise Brian and get some manly advise from him...

So I bid farewell as I fall into the worlds of Pine Valley then I hop over to Salem and then a skip and a jump to Harmony... where people's lives are just a little bit more screwy than my own :)

Plain and simple... they need to stop thinkin w/ their lil' heads and start thinking w/ the big one... don't say one thing and then totally contradict it... I remember stuff... don't try to eff me over... I'm not STUPID!!

Becomming a Cat lady is looking lovely... that or joining a convent... or becomming a dog lady since I like dogs more than cat's currently... hell I'll be a dog/cat lady... or join a convent... and I'll probobly die a virgin but... that's a small price to pay to not have to deal with stupid boys who play games... Boys who THINK they are men but they haven't grown up yet!!

That's my rant for this evening... thank you for reading... I'm going to bed!

Some chick messaged me on myspace asking me about the Daycare I work at in Portland she said she saw the job listing and sent in her resume and wanted to ask some questions.

I was confused at first case Brandi (the director) didnt' tell me she was looking to hire people... I mean I KNEW it was gonna happen eventually but I didn't know it was happening RIGHT NOW... but I'm excited ha ha... and so I messaged the girl back explaining that I'm in Eugene for school right now but that I would contact Brandi and let her know that you sent in something... so I tell Brandi and she was like "how do you know her?" and I was like "uh I don't she just messaged me" so Brandi wanted her myspace page ha ha...

Any who so after reading the requirements for being a head teacher I've noticed that I A) needed to renew my food handlers card and B) needed to get CPR certified... so I did some work online and I now have renewed my food handlers card and I have signed up for a Child Care Professionals first aid/CPR class at the Red Cross down here... So then I will have all of my requirements done. So I can "legally" be a head teacher now ha ha... And since I have OVER 20 credits of Child Education/ Development classes I'm good on that front ha ha... so yeah... busy day here...

Dad called and I got lectured about NOT being outside... blah... go figure...

Any who I have reading to do... and I need to either go see Jewel or call her... today just went by REALLY fast!!

I got a text message from Brandi (my boss/friend at the Daycare in Portland I mangage) and she said that she was getting rid of the other girl that works there... she didn't have time to get into details but said she'd text me later... apparently the just of the story is the girl that has been working at the daycare also works at Amalfi's (restraunt I used to work at... and Brandi's sister now owns) and i guess she got promoted and there is some crap going down with that so Brandi wants to get rid of her ASAP... I don't like the girl personally... she had a baby in highschool and I just don't think she get's along well with the kids... she just lets them do what ever and messes around on the computer all day and it's just... she's not professional...

So after that Brandi goes "yeah so you're getting a raise by the way" I'm going from $8/hr to $11/hr (Brandi said she wants to make it more if it's possible) and I'm going to be the Head Teacher. Which I'm assuming means I'm going to be working at least from 8AM-6PM 5 days a week for the summer. I think the Daycare is open at 7AM but I think it's gonna be an 8AM-6PM kind of thing... that's 10 hours at $11/hr that's $110 X 5 days that's $550 a week... I seriously need that cash ha ha!!

But yeah so... I'm excited.... and I should still be able to get days off when I need them off... hopefully... cause we got the whole July weekend... and I'm going to Panic! @ the Disco.. and we're going to Walla Walla (a Friday-Monday kind of thing) so yeah... I just need to get that all set in stone... and Brandi said she would still like to get another person working there... so hmm we'll see...

But yeah that's my interesting developments for the day!

Random stuff from today 4/10:
* 24 kicks ass
* apparently I glow after Kasey wins
* middle schoolers suck
* I'm fat (as pointed out by said middle schoolers)
* I can't play basketball
* I'm a dork
* Monkey (Yellow Charger Daytona) and Stella (Black Charger SRT) are missing from the Dodge lot... hopefully they will be there tomorrow morning cause I was sad!
* Maybe Monkey and Stella were celebrating Kasey's win!
* Kasey ROCKS!!
* Um I'm the sane girlfriend for a reason... I don't freak out when I see Kasey with a blonde... we all know even if she was someone important she's just keeping my place warm LOL J/K
* I'm sleepy so I'm going to bed!

BLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAH!!!

Ok Daytona WAS NOT THE REASON I DIDN'T PASS MATH!!! AHHH

I was having issues in the class PRIOR to leaving... I was going to drop it before I left weeks before I left... my issue was I was doing TOO MUCH at one time... I took on WAY TO MUCH last term... knowing full well I was going to be leaving for a week... I was working too much... I shouldn't have done 60 hours of special ed + 5 hours a week at the middle school + 3 hours a week at the daycare + however long I was on Campus for... I didn't have time to breath... before I left for Daytona I was going nutz... if I didn't go to Daytona I'm almost 100% sure I would of had a nervous break down AGAIN because I was REALLY close... my trip to daytona may have played 10% of the reason why I didn't pass but it was because I couldn't say NO... I did too much instead of taking a step back and saying "you know what I need to do math tonight"... that is why I didn't pass math...

I know my Dad thinks the reason is because of Daytona but... no... AND if you REALLY think about it... the math I was doing in the class IS THE SAME MATH that I had to take the class twice for in High School AND at MHCC... I'm not good at Math... plane and simple... I'm GREAT at English (I can't spell but I can write one mean paper) but I'm not good at Math... and ya know what... it's OK...

Sorry I just had to get it off my chest... I feel better now... but I'm serious... had I NOT left this place and gone to Daytona I was going to have a nervous break down... I seriously barely had time last term to eat... let alone sleep... I was stressed out... and NONE OF IT had to do w/ Daytona... that was the ONE thing keeping me smiling and looking forward to the next day...

Now I'm going to bed!

So I haven't had a chance to update about the trip to Enumclaw on Thursday... so I jacked Alina's high lights and mine and put them here... cause yeah... Alina is FAR better at remembering the funny ha ha... Any who here are our some of the many higlights from our shoping/kidnaping trip to Enumclaw Washington... enjoy!

I woke up, up agains the wall... w/ kessler squished as close as she could be against me (yes I was spooning witht he dog) and Kahne laying on top of my foot cuddling with it... we have STRANGE animals.

I think our cat knows that he's named after someone important and so he thinks he's someone important. The other day i told him no and he sat down and looked up at me like 'uh do you KNOW who i am?" and when he does something bad he usually get's called Kasey kahne... i was also watching the end of the Atlanta race on SPEED yesterday and he sat by the TV and as soon as Kasey came out he pounced on the TV... HMM

And I've decided that while the Movie phone booth isn't the best movie in the world... listening to Keifer Sutherlands voice and watching Colin Farrell makes it a good movie ha ha... cause they're hot!

I think we're leaving for the beach today... how much do i not want to go... it's Bristol weekend first off... and that means kasey cussing on the scanner... and if dad doesn't go than I definatly don't want to go because my mother and sister will drive me to an early grave. hmm

i like going to the beach but A) all my mom and sister want to do is shop B) usually there is a family fight about something my siter said C) I miss my kessler

blah... back to laundry!

KASEY WON!!! AHHHHHHHHHH KASEY WON ATLANTA!!

Okk so my Gamma and Pa gave me $100 before I went to Daytona (early B-day gift given to me on the plane) then they sent my flowers on the 15th AND THEN today they sent me (through my parents) a Kasey Kahne Crock Pot!! Yes ladies and gents I am the proud owner of the Kasey Kahne Crock pot:


Slight Problem... I don't know how to cook... but EH!! LOL

My Mom and Dad got me an Alarm clock for my iPod... did that make sense it's an alarm clock that I put my iPod in in other words... I'm excited cause my CD alarm clock pretty much just kicked the bucket (I've had it since Middle School) and the only function that works on it is the radio and I HATE waking up to the radio...

So yeah... also don't go to the Burger King by WinCo in Springfield we waited for 20 minuets and STILL never got our (well my parents) food... needless to say Dad got his money back (never did get the food) and drove across the street to McDonalds... eh... I'm tired so time for bed and some HP!

Ok so SCARY thing about my alarm clock... I had paused my iPod and I was scrolling through the click wheel and I hear music... and I was like "WTF" so I stoped and it stoped I put my finger on the click wheel again and the music started again... my alarm clock goes to the radio while i'm searching for songs...

Actually I don't turn 22 till 1:54PM tomorrow... ask my mom I am VERY anial about that...

One year I was in the shower and got out and it was 1:54 and I was like "Ma look I'm just like I was 18 years ago" and she was like "yes but cleaner" ha ha get it naked... I'm funny...

Not like my b-day will be anything special I'm busy all day w/ school/work... and well not like anyone down here cares... and personally I don't either... I wish I could be at home w/ my Ma/Pa and Alina and Carrie... but alas I'm in E-town all a lone...

Apparently my sis and her boyfriend are taking me out to dinner tomorrow but I have to go watch them dance in their performance first... big woop... just the way I wanna spend my b-day...

Forward and on ward folks!

Funny thing:
I came home from math (well math and then extra studying with my math teacher) and there was a note on my door... it's from the office of our apartment telling me I had a package... so I drop my crap off and I take the note to the office and I'm like "I have a package" so the lady goes "for what apartment" I said "T221" she's looking in the back room and then she goes "what's the name?" and I said "Nicole Chipman" and she goes "OHHHH.... the Flowers are for you" and I'm like "HUH?" There was a vase and flowers and a baloon... and she's like "Are they from a signifigant other" and I was like "I don't have a boyfriend so hmm" so I open the card It's from my Gamma and Pa!! ha ha... It was just funny cause I couldn't think of WHO would send me flowers...

My mother also wished me a "happy day before your birthday day" eh... and I bought 3 sweatshirts at the book store today... they had sweatshirts on sale for $15 so I bought one for me then my Ma and Pa wanted one... I swear the bookstore probobly thinks I'm nutz... eh

Snaged it from Lindsey who snaged it from someone else... I'm just helping continue the vicious stealing circle... and I'm bored...